


Mon Cœur S'ouvre à Ta Voix

by auroraphilealis (xrosepetalsx)



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Dom/sub, Dom/sub Play, M/M, Master/Pet, Panic Attacks, Pet Play, Rimming, Self-Discovery, hyperventilation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-14
Updated: 2016-06-14
Packaged: 2018-07-14 23:53:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,312
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7196597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xrosepetalsx/pseuds/auroraphilealis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s taken Dan a year to work up the courage to really discover why he keeps slipping into something he doesn’t fully understand, but now that he’s discovered that he’s not alone, he’s ready to find a solution, even if that does mean accepting a Dom into his life. Thank God Phil is there to save him when things seem like they’re about to go wrong.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mon Cœur S'ouvre à Ta Voix

**Author's Note:**

> **Includes petplay, rimming, praise!kink, suggested attempted!rape but no full attempts, hyperventilating &minor panic attacks, implied aftercare**
> 
> Written for [kinkyhux](http://kinkyhux.tumblr.com/) for the [phanfic exchange.](http://phanficexchange.tumblr.com%22)
> 
> _***Website borrowed and used as a writing tool for the terms/questions asked. Any facts regarding the reliability and safety of the test are exaggerated and made up for the sake of the character’s use of the site. Any and all of Dan’s early thoughts regarding submissive’s etc… are necessary misunderstandings for the fic, and not to be taken as an accurate description of what being a submissive is; they are merely an attempt to encompass common misconceptions that even someone doing research might find themselves falling into, especially when confused about themselves, and navigating the scene alone.***_
> 
> For as much research and as many questions as I asked in order to make this story as good a representation of pet play as I could, I can’t promise full accuracy or that this is a proper demonstration of this aspect of the bdsm scene. I’ve been told over and over again that every person’s experience is different, and that’s something I hope to pose to the reader’s to keep in mind. I am not a dom/sub/switch etc…myself, and I sincerely hope that I did not offend anyone in my portrayal of Dan as a submissive pet, or Phil as a Dom. I really hope this meets your expectations, kinkyhux. I had more fun with this than I could ever say <3
> 
> Title by Muse: I belong to you

****Dan had been searching a long time for this, trying to understand himself, find some answers that weren’t from some horrifyingly misinformed website or, God forbid, Wikipedia article, but now that he was here, he was terrified – which was stupid, because really, there was no point in going back now. At this point, it wasn’t just that Dan wanted answers; it was that he needed them.

Every day had been a struggle for the past year and a half, and he wasn’t sure how much more of it he could take. It was bad enough this _problem_ was happening at home, let alone at work, which had become more and more common place as the weeks had worn on, and Dan didn’t know if he could get away with hiding it for all that much longer.

He was surprised enough that his roommate hadn’t caught on to his strange behavior yet with the way he walked around the house in a daze during the worst of his moments. He fully expected Phil to ship him off to a mental hospital before the year was out, and was surprised he hadn’t been caught _playing_ in his bedroom alone yet, having come too with the startling realization that he’d slipped into something he couldn’t even began to understand. It was a miracle it hadn’t happened at work either, when he was holed up in his office hiding away from his co-workers because his hands were trembling and he found himself wanting – well.

Dan wasn’t exactly ready to put into words what he wanted, wasn’t even sure what that word would be _regardless_ , and it had been holding him back for weeks now, despite the thousands upon thousands of online articles and websites he’d read over in the last month or so.

Nothing had helped, not really, and besides, Dan didn’t even know what help was safe help, let alone reliable. He was terrified he was going to go bumbling into the wrong place one of these days, message the wrong person, and find himself tied up in some arrangement or another that he’d never planned to make in the first place.

No. This was the safest way.

Before he would search for help – whether that be medical, mental, or physical – Dan would find the root of the problem so he could find the right solution: by taking a test.

> _Bdsmtest.org_
> 
> _What kind of sexual deviant are you?_

Dan shivered at the light words pressed against the dark page. He didn’t know if he wanted to believe he was a sexual deviant at all, but this…this seemed like the only way to be sure of it. Was he sick, crazy, fucked up in a way that was even worse than the way the world saw these people? Or was he sane? Could he possibly fit in with this scene? Was it possible Dan wasn’t alone? He didn’t know, but he was about to find out.

After hundreds of late night searches through message board after message board, Dan had stumbled upon this link with the promise that it wasn’t just another self-diagnosing test on the internet. This was something created by those in the scene, dominant and submissive alike who had collaborated to come up with the best kinds of questions to ask to help type you.

And while Dan was terrified to belong to this group of people whom he didn’t really understand, he just wanted answers, and a safe place to get them.

So he charged forward, and he pressed the bright blue button in the middle of the page.

> _Start test._
> 
> _Lets test the kink out of you!_
> 
> _(some preliminary statistics) ****_
> 
> **_Sex (what you are biologically):_ ** _male_
> 
> **_Gender (what you identify as):_ ** _male_
> 
> **_Age (your age in years):_ ** _22_
> 
> **_Country_ ** _:United Kingdom_
> 
> **_State (US only):_ ** _(not in US)_
> 
> **_Sexual Orientation:_ ** _Bisexual/Pansexual_
> 
> **_Main BDSM orientation (what you personally feel that fits you best. When in doubt, pick ‘other’):_ **

Wait, what? Dan had to stop then, because he didn’t _know_ what fit him best. This test was supposed to be figuring that out for him, not forcing him to choose before he’d even gotten to the proper question portion of the damn website.

He took a deep breath, closing his eyes briefly as he tried to work up the courage to click the down arrow and find out what the different types even _were_. He knew the main stuff. He’d been through countless websites, and none of them had ever fit; _dominant, submissive, master, slave_. None of that was him.

Those weren’t the urges Dan was feeling, that wasn’t how he was slipping.

But what else could possibly show up in that drop down menu? And what, _if anything_ , would explain what was wrong with him?

Dan clicked on it, not ready to find out.

> _D-type (Dominant/Sadist/Master/Top/Owner/..._
> 
> _s-type (submissive/masochist/slave/bottom/pet/…._
> 
> _other types (Switch/Primal/Ageplayer/Voyeur/…_

Dan inhaled sharply, the words on the page hitting him like a punch to the gut. It took a few moments for him to catch his breath again, the adrenaline spiking through him as his vision tunneled down to one word: _Pet_. _s-type. Pet._

That little urge that niggled at the back of his mind, threatening to pull him under throughout his daily life, that sometimes _did_ , that little urge that Dan thought made him sick, ridiculous, insane, tickled at the forefront of his head, and he had to bite his lip against the sound of a low purr.

Was this it? Was this what he’d been looking for?

_Stupid. This whole fucking thing was stupid!_

Dan clicked on the word.

> _Next  
>  _ _(feel free to replace ‘like’ by ‘would like’ and vice versa if you have (no) experience on a certain topic, or (no) such partner)_

The new page was overcome with obnoxious type face that Dan was almost too terrified to really come to terms with, his eyes flitting frantically over exaggerated writing, seven little bubbles possible to click: _absolutely agree_ and variations of _, netural/no opinion_ and variations of _, absolutely disagree_ and variations of.

There were so many options, so many ways he could answer a question, so many degrees to which he agreed or disagreed with a statement, that for a second it was all just a little too overwhelming, and Dan felt his vision tunneling once again as he lost his breath.

This whole thing was absolutely terrifying. Dan’s hands were shaking as he closed his eyes and tried to breathe.

Suddenly, the loud sound of falling dishes interrupted the silence of Dan’s room, and immediately, Dan’s eyes flew open, his hand reaching out to slam down the lid of his laptop. It was more than halfway closed before he realized he was safe, that he was locked away in his bedroom completely alone, and that Phil couldn’t possibly see what he was doing, question Dan, or prepare to ship him off for being insane.

He glanced at the clock on the bedside table. The red letters glared _03:00_ at him.

“Sorry! Everything’s fine!” Phil shouted, and Dan relaxed, his hands letting go of his laptop lid.

He turned back to the questions that were supposed to help him figure himself out, took a deep breath, and tried his best to take them in.

> **_I (would) like to be dominated, especially in the bedroom._ ** _| absolutely agree_

The first one was easy, was what had led Dan to searching through the bdsm forums on reddit in the first place. The few sexual partners he had been with, had trusted enough, had always been the dominant one in bed; but Dan didn’t want to be dominated in quite the way the articles about bdsm explained, and so he’d filed that option away a long time ago. He wasn’t a submissive, not exactly, that wasn’t it at all. Yes, he wanted someone else to take control in the bedroom, but he didn’t want – he didn’t want those _other things_. That made him _not_ a submissive, right?

> **_I (would) like receiving pain during sex and seeing the results of it (marks/bruises, makeup, running by tears, etc.) afterwards_ ** _. | mostly agree_

This one made Dan feel awkward even as he pressed the button. He was afraid it wasn’t strictly true, that he shouldn’t be agreeing with it at all, for the sake of a proper ‘diagnosis’; yeah, Dan loved markings, loved bruising and hickeys pressed into his skin, even liked the red left behind from someone’s fingers prints when they spanked him, but there was only so much pain he could take. It was just another reason Dan had originally decided he couldn’t possibly fit in here. He wasn’t a sadomasochist, not in the slightest. Dan could hardly stand to be spanked, how could he bare to be whipped the way he’d seen countless submissives in online videos, clearly enjoying every second of it?

He bit his lip.

This was dumb. Why had he thought this test would help at all? So far, all it wanted to do with tell him he was a sadomasochist and a submissive, someone who wanted to be dominated and taken control of. That’s not what Dan wanted, no. Some of his answers were conditional, and even Dan knew that wasn’t good enough.

He shouldn’t be doing this. It wasn’t helping at all. He already knew if the results came up _submissive_ , Dan would break something.

He continued on.

> **_I don’t like making decisions sexually, I prefer my partner to make them for me._ ** _| absolutely agree_

That one Dan could definitely agree with at least, completely unconditionally. He went all pliant during sex, felt himself slipping even then into some role he didn’t completely understand but hadn’t found the answers to yet. He liked to have his partners take care of him, deciding what was best for him, and that had never terrified him so much as it did now, when it was brought up on the test.

Because wasn’t that just another part of being a submissive? And Dan wasn’t a submissive, he _wasn’t_. He didn’t want all those gags and ties he’d seen in videos, didn’t want the degradation and the harsh spoken words, didn’t want to be used or treated like a toy.

He wanted to be taken care of, and to him, that was something entirely different to a _submissive._

> **_I like my partner(s) to be completely in charge in the bedroom, ordering me around._ ** _| absolutely agree_

That one was true enough. Dan was nothing if not yielding during sex, and it was just _easier_ , more _enjoyable_ if his partner took control, allowed Dan to just sit back and relax. He _liked_ being taken care of, and it pleased him to do as he was asked.

> **_I need a gentle and loving dominant, who foremost treats me like a little treasure._ ** _| absolutely agree_

Dan couldn’t help but gulp at that one. He didn’t even know if he _needed_ a dominant, but he knew that if he ever had one, they’d have to be gentle and loving. Dan didn’t think he could take what he saw in the videos; harsh words and harsher voices, forcing Dan to take more than he could. Just watching it made Dan shut down, cringe away, and it was hard to wrap his mind around the fact that some people _needed_ that. Not that Dan should be judging, not with…not with the urges _he_ had.

> **_I (would) like to feel that my partner is older/(mentally) stronger/bigger/further in life…than me._ ** _| absolutely agree_

The accuracy made Dan shiver, and he gulped as he clicked the little dot beside it to agree. He couldn’t help thinking that those feelings were probably what had attracted him to his best friend in the first place – Phil Lester, the roommate in the other room. If there was anyone who made Dan feel safe, it was Phil. There was something about knowing that Phil was older, that he’d been through more in his life, that calmed Dan. Maybe it was just the reassurance that Phil could always take control when Dan felt like he was losing it, but…

But they were just friends, and the question was asking about partners. Dan shouldn’t be thinking about Phil in that capacity, let alone during a test like this.

He couldn’t help it though, not when lately Phil had become Dan’s safety rail, and he knew he was scaring him because when Dan found himself slipping, it was Phil that he clung onto, wild eyed and frantic to keep any and all traces of what he wanted _away_.

The fear in Phil’s eyes, the worry when Dan walked away…that was why Dan was taking this test. He couldn’t do this to either of them anymore.  

He just wanted to find someone who could help.

> **_I (would) like it when my partner takes on a nurturing and guiding, almost parental role in the relationship._ ** _| absolutely agree_

Dan didn’t deign to give that question too much thought, horrified by his natural reaction to immediately click _agree_ with so much assurance. He wasn’t even sure where that assurance was coming from, when he’d never quite felt that way before – not in a thoughtful way, at least. Yes, he’d always needed someone more mature than him in his life, but…parental sounded almost _incestial_ , and the idea of that had always creeped Dan out.

He waded on, glaring at the tiny type face at the bottom of the page “page 2/8,” “page 3/8,” passing by in a blur without so much as a mention of the word that had given him so much hope at the beginning of this whole test – and then it popped up, and Dan’s breath caught.

> **_I enjoy being in the headspace of an animal or child, where I don’t have to worry about human/adult things. (Answer based on whichever you like most.)_ ** _| absolutely agree_

There it was.

 _I enjoy being in the headspace of an animal, where I don’t have to worry about human or adult things,_ Dan thought, sighing out in relief. The sound was loud in the quiet of his room, but he couldn’t bring himself to care as he reached up with trembling fingers to stroke over the words he’d been waiting to read for – well, probably his whole life, if Dan really thought about it.

The tiny purr he’d repressed earlier managed to make its way out – and so be it. It didn’t really sound like a purr, but who cared? Dan had found who he was, and his entire body relaxed at the notion that he’d finally found _home_.

There were words to describe how Dan felt. There was an entire scene out there who _understood_ , and even the terror of being called a submissive was gone now that Dan knew there was a part of even _that_ that wasn’t his worst nightmare come to life.

He kept his eyes closed as he let the relief soar through him, his body sagging against the bed, and just _breathed_ , because now there was a word that would help him understand. Now there was a word that would enable Dan to get help. Now there were a group of people who would _help him_.

\--

It wasn’t unusual for some of Phil’s night’s to be taken up by something a little more…risqué. It was actually quite common for him, days where an itch would start just under his skin, the stress of the day and a yearning to please coming over him until he was taken with the desire to be in charge. He worked by and large for a company that was purely about controlling what other’s saw and thought, and it was often heaven for Phil. He loved editing and creating, and the movie industry was the perfect place for someone like him, who wanted to _please_ above all else, but it wasn’t all roses.

Movies often had to be controversial, and control given up. It was difficult for Phil, who wanted nothing more than to give people what they wanted, _needed_ , to _please_ and bring a sense of happiness and contentment to their lives, with all the pain and torture that might sometimes come before it (happy endings where Phil’s specialty). When Phil had to be part of something that would please in a different way, often in a way that would take audiences ages to fully understand, he felt the urges the strongest, because that sense of control and appeasement was largely given up. It didn’t help that he had to follow instructions, his own ideas often squashed before they could be brought up.

Meeting those needs used to be easy. There were all kinds of role playing games available in the world for Phil to use to take care of something, to have all their needs met and ensure they got the happiest and most fulfilling lives possible. With pre-set instructions telling him what characters wanted, all Phil had to do was go about _making it happen_.

But eventually, those games ceased to be enough. Phil needed more than  pre-set desire that never changed no matter how often Phil re-played the games, or found a new one with parameters far too similar, and he quickly came to find he needed more than to just…control the character. He needed to punish when they did something wrong, to show them love and affection when they did something right, to praise and love in a way he couldn’t with a video game character.

It wasn’t until he’d met a cute little submissive at a club one night that he’d realized what he really needed, and for a while, their relationship had been perfect – Mark had been a little, someone Phil could dote on and punish when needed, cherish and love and take care of in every aspect of their lives. Mark, however, needed something more permanent than what Phil had been able to give him – he’d wanted to be a little more often than Phil could handle, and while they dated as both sub and Dom, they also dated as Mark and Phil. Phil treasured all of their time together, enjoying when he and Mark could just be themselves without a scene being involved, but Mark hadn’t been satisfied with just that. He wanted to be a little _all_ the time, and it wasn’t until Phil found out that Mark had been taking his needs to another Dom in the community that he’d realized that he couldn’t go on like that.

Their relationship had ended, and Phil had been so devastated that he’d completely ignored his needs for a solid three months, until he was so pent up with frustration that the took it out on a girl he picked up at another club.

Come morning, he’d been so horrified with himself he’d cried, and while the girl had been perfectly fine with everything that had happened, Phil had known he needed to get himself under control. Next time, he might not get so lucky.

So he’d found a bdsm club. At the time, it had taken an hour long train ride to reach it, but it had been worth it to make sure that Phil didn’t accidentally hurt someone else. It had been the perfect solution, and it had only gotten better when he’d met Dan Howell, his best friend and roommate, who’d needed a place to stay until he got off his feet. They’d ended up moving in together to a London apartment only fifteen minutes away from _Nature’s Hotel_ , the bdsm club Phil frequented even more often now since moving, and now Phil was happier than he’d ever been.

The only thing that would make his life better would be to find a permanent partner.

Sighing, Phil made his way down the high street to the little locked away club he’d frequented for more than three years now. It was tucked away in a back entrance to the building of a bar and grill, with an upstairs filled with private rooms, and a downstairs big enough for the public rooms as well as a bar and dance floor.

Though the bar and grill acted as their cover, the walls between the two business’ were thick, giving the bdsm club the privacy it needed.  Phil couldn’t imagine how the bar and grill would get much business if their customers were able to hear the scream’s and sounds of whips cracking from next door every night, and he didn’t imagine the bdsm club would get much business if they didn’t offer complete privacy for their patrons.

As Phil approached the lit up sign of the bar and grill with the smaller lit up sign of _Nature’s Hotel_ hanging from it, he couldn’t help but think of his roommate. He’d left Dan that night after his friend had gone to bed, hesitating at his door to make sure he was asleep, and he couldn’t help feeling worried about him.

For the last couple months in particular he’d felt horrible about keeping his nearly nightly adventures a secret from him, but he was more worried about Dan finding out then being honest, especially with the way he’d been acting lately.

They’d lived together for over two years, and at first, it had been easy to keep Dan from noticing the few times a month Phil visited _Nature’s Hotel_. In the last year, however, those visits had increased, and more than once Phil had been stopped from going out by a very confused, half asleep Dan.

It wasn’t exactly Dan preventing Phil from going out, however. It was the wild look in his eye, the fear as he intercepted Phil leaving his bedroom, looking as if he’d been just about to sneak into Phil’s. Phil had noticed for a while that Dan had been acting more and more jumpy than usual, and a few time’s, he’d caught this glazed over look in his friends eyes that reminded Phil way too much of the submissive’s he spent time with every few nights – but when Dan had started visiting Phil nearly every night, looking spooked like he’d forgotten himself, done something that wasn’t _right,_ Phil had grown sincerely worried, because something was clearly wrong, and Dan didn’t seem to want to tell him about it.

The biggest problem was that Phil was almost certain he knew exactly what _was_ wrong, but the other part of him was convinced that he was just making it up, skewing reality to fit what he wanted.

See, his increase in visits to _Nature’s Hotel_ over the last few months had been in direct relation to Dan, and only part of it was Phil’s increasing attraction to his best friend. The other part of it was the submissive way Dan would sometimes act – especially recently. Having his own deep desire to settle down with a proper partner who wanted Phil both as a Dom _sometimes_ and a boyfriend the rest of the time drew Phil to Dan in particular, because Dan acted so much like he wanted to be a submissive that Phil had been forced to remind himself Dan _hadn’t_ for most of their friendship.

Things had only gotten worse recently, when Dan started coming to Phil with that glazed over look in his eyes, nearly panting like a pup. A few times, Phil had even heard Dan _purr,_ and that had to be his imagination, because there was no way Dan was a _pet player_ without even knowing it.

More than once Phil had been tempted to tell Dan the truth, spill everything including his increasing romantic feelings towards Dan, but he was terrified. Their friendship meant more to him than any relationship ever could, and even if Dan would be willing to try to be submissive for Phil, if it didn’t work out, Phil knew Dan would never share him, and Phil didn’t think he could get by without the few times a month where he got to act out his fantasies.

Still, Dan was worrying him, and Phil hated to be away these last few nights. Though Dan seemed to have a more centered attitude lately, he still walked around with glazed eyes like he was slipping, and Phil had been tempted more than once to _try_ things, _test_ things. He needed tonight more than he’d needed these nights in a long time, and he couldn’t turn back, no matter how worried he was.

As soon as Phil hit the pavement directly in front of the bar and grill, he moved around the side where a little grey door with a slit at the top sat, a small buzzer right next to it that would let Phil inside. The entrance was meant to look like an employee entrance to those going to bar and grill, and Phil even had to flash his ID at the guard through the slit before he was allowed inside.

 _Nature’s Hotel_ was a member’s only club, completely private with its utmost concern being privacy and safety. Prospective clients had to sign up online, and they gave out a temporary pass to get people in until they could print an official one with the person’s picture on it inside. Under Phil’s name and picture on his ID card was the word _Dom_ , and Phil pinned it to his shirt along with the red wristband security gave him on his way in. Sub’s wore green, and people just looking to observe for the night wore blue. Switches picked a color themselves when they came in for the night, but their ID’s made sure the other players knew what they truly identified as, in case of accidents or changes in demeanor. On the back of their ID badges was written their emergency contact’s name and number in case something happened.

Phil’s emergency contact used to be his parents, but he’d switched it to Dan when they’d moved in together. He’d rather risk the embarrassment of Dan finding out about him than his parents, and as soon as he’d had the option to change his emergency contact, he’d jumped on it. So far, Phil had never needed it called, but he’d seen it happen.

It wasn’t always an abuse of power between a sub and a Dom that caused the need for it, however. It could be anything, including an overprotective Dom getting scared when their sub wouldn’t come out of subspace, or if the chafing on their bodies from restraints was too bad.

Security patrolled the halls and rooms as best they could to help prevent any problems, and as far as Phil knew, in the last three years, there had only been an incident or two with a particularly nasty Dom who had been immediately banned. He couldn’t have been happier with his choice of club than he was now, and the minute he hit the main room, he breathed a sigh of relief.

Just seeing all the scenes being acted out in front of him was relaxing him, and his back straightened immediately, smile settling into a confident smirk as he sidled up to the far bar. The bartender nodded politely at him, and Phil signaled him for his usual, turning as he took a seat to survey the room.

There were a lot of scenes going on. It wasn’t unusual for scenes to be acted out on the dance floor, or against far walls, and even from here Phil could see a Dom bending his sub over backwards against one of the tables, cock buried deep inside of his sub. He averted his eyes – he’d never been one for watching. He also wasn’t all that interested in pain play. His biggest desire was for littles and pets.

Phil was a Master and an Owner, and as he watched the room carefully, he took in the features of the subs wandering about with a drink in their hands, trying to find someone with that look in their eye.

And that’s when he saw him. A few seats down, sitting in one of the booth’s, was Dan, dressed in all black as usual, but practically drooling as he stared into space, clearly gone to the world.

Phil’s jaw dropped open, and he stood immediately, grabbing the attention of the people nearest him when his newly vacated chair scraped the floor from the quickness of his movement. He knew he probably looked a sight, nostrils flared and chest heaving, but he couldn’t be bothered to care. He was filled with anxiety and the overwhelming urge to go and take what was his, but he didn’t know if Dan already had a Dom or not. Part of him wanted not to care, but the other part could see that Dan was already in play. He couldn’t just march over there and demand Dan’s attention, not if another Dom had already gotten to him first.

Still, Phil was terrified. What was Dan doing here, without Phil, where he could get hurt? Hadn’t he left Dan back at home, in bed, fast asleep?

Slowly, Phil moved closer to Dan, picking a spot close enough to Dan’s booth that he could watch out for his best friend, but far enough away that any Dom who’d claimed him for the night wouldn’t feel threatened. His eyes were shrewd as he watched, but his mind was reeling.

Why was Dan here to begin with? How did he even know about this place? Sure, Phil had gotten the impression that Dan was – well, that Dan was exactly what he appeared to be right then, but he’d never truly _thought_ – and he’d always imagined Dan would come to _him_ if he needed something like this, though Phil didn’t know why he’d thought _that_ when Dan didn’t even know Phil was a Dom himself.

His heart was racing and his body was taught with adrenaline as he watched and he waited, but no Dom presented himself to Dan. No Dom called him over, or tried to get his attention. Dan just continued to sit alone, in his booth, with a half empty drink beside him, nearly panting as he stared with glazed eyes at the other side of the table.

Dan was too far gone, and if there was no Dom taking part in it, then Phil needed to get Dan help.

Just as Phil was about to step towards him however, another Dom stepped in front of him and beat him to it.

This man was tall, hair brown like Dan’s, and curly. He was wearing a tank top that showed off the broadness of his arms, and his wrist spun the red wristband in Phil’s eyesight – intentionally, Phil thought. He would have relaxed if he thought the Dom approaching Dan just then was trying to do the same thing Phil was – get him to safety – but something told him that’s not what the Dom wanted, and that he wasn’t the Dom who had put Dan in the state he was in now.

His fists clenched at his sides, and he leaned forward in an attempt to hear what was going on.

The music blaring in the club was too loud. Phil couldn’t hear a thing, but he could see clearly that the Dom was trying to get Dan’s attention. He had leaned down low to speak into Dan’s ear, and when Dan hadn’t reacted, he’d reered back with an angry turn to his lips. His hand raised as if he were going to strike Dan, and Phil tensed, ready to intervene, but then the Dom merely rested his hand against the back of Dan’s head instead, and pet.

Dan _melted_ , leaning into the soft touch, but his eyes didn’t grow any less glazed. He didn’t register the way Phil was watching him from across the room, faced towards Phil as he was, and that alone was enough to tell Phil that Dan was _really_ gone.

Still, he waited, wondering, hoping maybe this Dom was going to call someone over any second.

He didn’t. He sat down in the seat beside Dan, and moved one hand to his thigh, the other still playing with Dan’s hair – rubbing, petting, soothing. His other hand rubbed circles on Dan’s thigh, and Dan sighed, turning his head to press his face into the Dom’s shoulder.

The Dom smirked, and turned his head down as well, whispering something into Dan’s ear – and then he was helping them both stand up, eyes bright with the catch.

Phil didn’t wait any longer. The Dom was leading Dan towards the stairs – towards the private rooms. Without Dan’s consent.

In three long strides, Phil caught up with them, and he reached out with a tight grip to grab onto the Dom’s arm. The man spun around, eyes dark and angry.

“What the hell are you doing. Can’t you see I’m busy, here? He’s mine.”

“You know the rules,” Phil hissed back, eyes narrowed darkly. “If he’s already in play, you get him somewhere safe.”

The man’s eyes narrowed as well, and he bared his teeth at Phil. “And who says I’m not the one who got him into play? I was just going to grab a drink before I took him upstairs. It’s not my fault the prospect of me got him all excited.”

Phil snarled, and snatched Dan away from the Dom, his arm curling protectively around Dan’s waist as he turned to put his body between both of theirs.

“We both know that’s a lie,” he hissed back, bracing for it as the other Dom reached out to shove him.

“Get your own,” he growled, reaching to grab for Dan himself. Phil didn’t let him. He let go of Dan and shoved him behind him as he tensed for a fight, raising his hands to protect his face as the Dom moved aggressively, clearly about to throw the first punch.

But before he could, Security showed up, pressing his body between both Phil’s and the other Dom’s, his hand already reaching behind him for the Taser Phil knew he had stashed there. The other Dom tensed again, but he lowered his fist as he kept his eyes locked on Phil’s, clearly pissed.

“What’s going on here?” the man asked, flashing his badge at the both of them as his eyes darted in between them.

“Nothing,” the first Dom spat, still glaring at Phil.

Security turned back to Phil, then, wanting his response as well. Without looking away from the other Dom, Phil reached behind him for Dan, and gripped his hand.

“Nothing. This sub is already in play. We were just trying to get him somewhere safe, probably call his Emergency Contact, right?” Phil demanded of the first Dom.

Security’s brows drew together in anger, and he turned to the first Dom as he realized what had just been about to happen. Rather than replying or trying to defend himself, the other Dom nodded his head curtly, and then he was gone.

Then, and only then, was Phil able to relax. The breath exploded out of him as he turned to take in Dan’s state, satisfied to find Dan hadn’t gone far when Phil had pushed him behind him, but concerned to find Dan was still in play. His eyes were still glazed over despite all of the commotion, and Phil could just make out the tiny sounding purr he was emitting.

A cat, then. Dan was a cat, and his ID badge read _sub_.

“It’s a good thing you caught them before they got too far,” Security said, startling Phil enough to make him look back. “He been in play the whole time?”

“From what I can tell, yes. Long before the other Dom approached him, at least. I was just about to go get help when the Dom approached him. I think he needs to go home,” Phil agreed, moving Dan closer to the Security Guard so the man would know Phil didn’t want to try anything.

He just wanted to get Dan home, and then, when Dan was himself again…they were going to talk.

“Alright, let’s go back here then. We can find out his emergency contact and give them a call.”

Phil didn’t reply. He merely followed the guard closely, his grip tight on Dan’s hand as he led the younger boy with him to the back of the club.

His ID was new, just laminated. Phil could tell because the picture hadn’t even fully faded into the laminate yet.

Just the thought of Dan nearly being raped tonight made him want to cry. Dan’s first bdsm experience had nearly been the worst it could be.

Security and the on-duty nurses got Dan settled in with Phil’s help, tucking him into a bed to rest as they worked to get him out of sub-space and call his emergency contact. Phil was just giving Security a full description of what had occurred and what the Dom had looked like when his phone began to vibrate in his pocket, and he closed his eyes.

Because of course he was Dan’s emergency contact – the same as Dan was Phil’s.

\--

When Dan woke up, he had no concrete memories of what had happened the night before. At first, he was even convinced that he’d just had a drunken romp, or that he’d been at a club with Phil, but then he began to realize that he didn’t feel black-out hungover. In fact, he didn’t feel hungover at all. He felt…fine.

More than fine. He felt like something inside of him had been soothed, but he couldn’t recall what that thing was, or what had happened to soothe it.

His eyes fluttered open to find himself in his room, duvet wrapped around him. He was fully dressed, though, including a dark pair of jeans that felt uncomfortable around his waist. He only had to pick up the duvet to be certain that he _was_ fully dressed, but the stiffness of his legs as a result of sleeping in jeans had been a dead giveaway.

So what had happened last night?

The last thing Dan could remember was turning in to bed early. He’d wanted Phil to think he was asleep for some reason, so he’d feigned being tired at 8 o’clock, and turned in. Dan could remember his body vibrating with energy – he’d been nervous for something…

And then it hit him.

He’d gone to _Nature’s Hotel_ last night.

With a bolt, Dan sat up straight, breathing suddenly heavy as his eyes scoured the room.

He couldn’t remember much, but he knew he’d gone to the bdsm club he’d researched last night, because he could remember the nerves and the fear that had filled him as he’d tried to pretend to go to bed. He could even remember the long trek over there – and Dan knew it hadn’t actually been long. Google maps had promised a fifteen minute walk, but it had felt like ages to a terrified Dan.

They’d taken his picture, he remembered that, and given him a wrist band and an ID badge, and then he’d gone inside and walked straight to the bar.

He remembered the bar tender’s sympathetic look, and the free drink he’d been given along with some well-meaning advice that had included directing Dan to an empty booth nearby. The bar tender had promised to keep an eye on him, and then –

Nothing. Dan could remember nothing after that.

Unable to help himself, Dan let out a low whimper. He was fully dressed, but how had he gotten home? He was in his room, and not some strangers, but…shifting slightly, Dan took note of the fact that he didn’t feel sore. That didn’t have to mean anything, though. Just because it didn’t feel like someone had fucked him last night didn’t mean he hadn’t fucked someone else, even if he was alone.

Before he knew what was happening, Dan was hyperventilating, tears cascading down his cheeks as he grew even more terrified of what might have happened. What if he’d been raped? What if he’d raped someone else? Had he slipped? But usually he could remember when he slipped, could remember what had happened when he’d slipped – this time there was nothing. What had happened? There was just a black void where there should have been memories and –

Dan was full on panicking by then, and the fear was so real he didn’t even hear it when his bedroom door opened and his best friend walked in.

It wasn’t until Phil touched his shoulder that Dan even realized he was there, and even then, he jumped so hard he thought he was going to give them both a heart attack.

“Shh, shh. Everything’s okay. You’re safe, Dan. It’s just me,” Phil said, getting down on his knees at the edge of Dan’s bed. “It’s just me, you’re safe. You’re okay. Nothing’s happened to you, come on. Look at me. Look at me Dan. Look at me.”

Dan thought he _was_ looking at Phil, and he blinked rapidly as he tried to take in the state of his friend – dark hair, long and straight, fringe nearly falling into his eyes. He needed a haircut, and soon. He was wearing his glasses, and he was touching Dan, his hand on Dan’s chest as he tried to encourage Dan to match his breathing, and then Dan was tossing himself into his best friend’s arms.

He didn’t care that he was probably scaring the crap out of Phil. He didn’t care that he was hyperventilating. He shoved his face into Phil’s chest, reached up to wrap his fingers into Phil’s t-shirt, and sobbed – because this was Phil, and Dan had _no idea_ what had happened last night.

It took a long time for Dan to calm down. His body shook as Phil whispered soft, encouraging words into his ear, not even blinking at the fact that Dan had practically thrown himself off of the bed to get into Phil’s arms; he’d only wrapped his own arms back around Dan, holding him tight to his chest and rubbing at his back, calming and soothing Dan in a way only Phil knew how.

But there was something different about the way he was holding Dan. That’s what gave it away – that’s what helped Dan to calm down.

Phil was touching Dan in a way that Dan had only ever seen other Dom’s touch their sub’s in videos, when they were trying to help bring them down from an episode, or a scene. When they were trying to bring them back from subspace, or trying to make up for forcing their sub to use a safe word.

Phil was very much a Dom right then, and Dan couldn’t help feeling like his best friend knew exactly what had happened to him last night.

Breathing finally having calmed, and no longer crying into Phil’s shirt, Dan just sat there, immensely satisfied and comforted by the touch of his best friend, and tried to take in the stunning realization that Phil was a _Dom_.

He didn’t move. He _couldn’t_ move, but Phil seemed very aware that Dan had finally calmed down, because he’d stopped whispering reassuring words in Dan’s ear. Now, he was just holding him, one hand braced on the back of Dan’s head, and the other secure around his waist.

“Are you okay?” Phil finally asked, breaking the silence when it seemed to have gotten too heavy for him.

“Yeah,” Dan managed to croak in response.

Phil hummed in reply, a sound that Dan could feel against his own chest from the way the two of them were pressed together. His fingers loosened on Phil’s shirt, but he didn’t let go.

“Do you remember what happened last night? Is that why you’re crying?” Phil finally asked after another lengthy silence, his voice low and comforting, coached and soft, as if he’d learned how to approach someone in Dan’s precarious position.

As if he knew how to comfort a startled sub.

“No,” Dan whispered quietly in response.

Phil didn’t answer, and the realization of that nearly made Dan start crying again, but he pulled himself together, and, despite his entire body protesting, left the comfort of Phil’s warm arms.

“Tell me,” he demanded. His voice was weak, hoarse from his crying, but he didn’t care as he glared at Phil. “Tell me what happened.”

So Phil did. He told Dan that he’d gone to _Nature’s Hotel_ , just like he did most night’s now – Dan didn’t give himself time to process this. He was too busy siting on edge, waiting for Phil to tell him something he didn’t think he’d ever be ready to hear – and seen Dan sitting alone, clearly in play. That was a word Dan recognized from all the reading he’d done, and the pages and pages of protocol he’d had to read before he could sign up to be a member at _Nature’s Hotel_.

If a sub was in play, whoever found him was meant to get him somewhere safe.

Phil’s expression was impossible to read, but Dan was terrified he was about to hear that no one had gotten him somewhere safe.

Phil continued on, tone monotonous. He’d waited around, watching Dan to see if he was with a Dom, but when he’d realized that Dan was alone, he’d moved to help him. That’s when another Dom had come in, walking right up to Dan and beginning to speak low to him.

Dan tensed as Phil went on, fully expecting to hear the worst.

But all he did was explain how the Dom had pet Dan, and how Dan had moved into him, cuddling him. For a moment, Phil had thought maybe the Dom was going to get Dan some help, but then he’d stood up, arm wrapped around Dan’s waist, and tried to take him upstairs into a private room.

Whatever Phil said after that, Dan wasn’t listening. He was too busy feeling the room spin, gasping as he reered back, fully expecting to feel a sharp pain his bum as he moved. The pain didn’t come, but that didn’t mean anything, and Dan’s breathing was becoming erractic again, and –

And Phil’s hands were on either side of his face, forcing their foreheads together roughly, fingers digging in. Their eyes met – blue to brown.

“Do you really think I would ever let anything happen to you, Dan?” Phil demanded, voice a growl as he gripped tight, forcing Dan’s attention on him. “I was right there. It took me three steps to catch up to you. I didn’t let him take you anywhere, Dan,” he insisted, voice fierce, and eyes even fierce.

Dan could do nothing but believe him.

“I can’t – I can’t remember. Phil, I –“

Phil didn’t let him finish. He cut him off, shaking Dan’s head a little when it looked like Dan was beginning to panic again. “I took you somewhere safe, Dan. I got you somewhere safe, and they called your emergency contact, and I brought you home. You can’t remember because you were too deep in play, Dan. You were too deep. You were in sub space and no one had even brought you there, Dan. Dan, nothing happened. I brought you home, and I put you to bed,” Phil insisted, shaking Dan’s head again when he closed his eyes. “Look at me. Nothing happened,” he insisted, nodding his head and forcing Dan to nod his head as well. “Nothing happened.”

Taking one huge breath, Dan nodded his head. He could feel the tears in his eyes again, and there was a sick feeling in his stomach at the thought that he’d nearly been _raped_ , and all he could think was that he’d been so _dumb._

“Are you okay?” Phil asked, his voice firm again, that same coached feeling coming from him.

Dan nodded his head, and Phil sagged in relief.

He was still clutching Dan’s face to his, but he finally broke eye contact, biting his lip. Dan’s fear spiked up again, and he gasped in a breath. He hadn’t even realized he’d been holding it.

“I brought you home, Dan, but you were so deep in play…we couldn’t get you out,” he whispered. His voice was broken, horrified, traumatized. Dan didn’t understand. “I tried to put you to bed, but you were so deep, Dan. I didn’t have your consent, but I swear – you were purring so loud. I tucked you in bed, fully dressed, and I pet you. I took care of you as best as I could Dan, as much as I willing without your consent, but…you needed it so bad, Dan. Fuck!”

The loud sound of Phil shouting made Dan jump, and he gasped in another breath, realizing once again that he was still holding it. He tried to force himself to breathe, but Phil being upset was only upsetting him as well.

And it wasn’t as if Phil was wrong. He couldn’t deny that. Dan had known he’d needed it. He’d been so stressed lately, and after taking the test and doing all the research, he’d been so ready to get his needs met. After learning what the itch under his skin _was_ , he hadn’t been able to stop slipping, and he’d thought…he might as well try, right?

He’d been so sure going to the club was going to help, but now all he could think was that he could have been raped.

“Why didn’t you come to me?” Phil suddenly demanded him, wrenching Dan’s attention back on him. His eyes were wet, thunderous in their rage. “I would have helped you. I could have taken care of you, Dan! If nothing else, I would have gone with you! I would have made sure that no one could ever take advantage of you!”

“I didn’t know!” Dan burst out, angry himself now, wrenching his face away from Phil’s hands. His chest was heaving, and he wasn’t sure if it was the anger, or the fact that he wanted to cry again. “I didn’t think you would understand! I was terrified, Phil! I didn’t even know what I wanted until a couple weeks ago, and even then, I was terrified! I wasn’t an idiot – I did my research! This place was supposed to be safe!”

Phil wrenched away from him completely, dislodging Dan from where he’d still been half braced against Phil’s body as he got up to pace around the room, swiping an angry hand at his brow. Dan was too stunned to react.

“God, Dan. How could you be so careless? Didn’t they ask you if you needed help? When you’re that – that out of _control_ , they’ll find someone for you! Why didn’t you –“

“I didn’t know!” Dan screamed, standing up as well. “I didn’t know, okay! I didn’t know I was out of control! I thought I was okay! I thought I could pick someone out myself! I thought it would be fine, but clearly it wasn’t, _and why are you yelling at me!_ It’s not like you told me you were a Dom! It’s not like I knew I could talk to you!” Dan shouted, his voice going high and hoarse as he panted.

His eyes were wet, but so were Phil’s, and he knew they were kind of at an impasse, but he was so angry and upset that he didn’t even care. Phil looked stunned, like he’d been slapped in the fact, and a part of Dan felt like he deserved that.

“I didn’t _know_ , Phil. I was trying to navigate this fucking world _alone_ ,” he hissed. “I didn’t know.”

Dan’s fists were clenched at his sides, and he was gritting his teeth as he stared Phil down, daring him to disagree and yell at Dan again.

He didn’t. Instead, he collapsed against the floor, and pressed his face into his hands.

“Fuck. I was so scared, Dan.”

Dan bit his lip, chest heaving.

“Me too.”

\--

When they finally calmed down, Phil took Dan into the lounge and swaddled him in a bunch of blankets. He insisted that Dan sit on the couch while Phil got him some hot chocolate and biscuits, and Dan allowed it.

He couldn’t have fought if he wanted too.  He was exhausted, and he knew it wasn’t just because of this morning.

Phil had promised nothing had happened last night, that Phil had done nothing more than pet him and give him innocent attention, but his entire body felt weighed down. He didn’t hurt, and he wasn’t sore, but he was _tired_ in a way that all the blogs he’d read had said he would be. Sated. Calm. More than anything, he just wanted to rest all day, and he hadn’t even _done_ anything.

Not to mention his mind was still reeling from the reveal that Phil was a _Dom_. A Dom who frequented _Nature’s Hotel_. It made sense, at least. Dan had been wondering where Phil was running off to the nights he caught him leaving, gently urging him back to bed – more for himself than anything else. Knowing what he did now, Dan felt bad for it.

Of course he hadn’t known that Phil was a Dom, but he still should have let Phil do whatever he needed to do.

Speaking of Dom’s, the thought that his best friend was one sent a shiver up Dan’s spine. He couldn’t help wondering what kind of a Dom Phil was. Was he the kind Dan was afraid of? The one who spoke harsh words, and whippeed their partner, dominating them completely? Did he like to punish, and hurt?

Or was he the other kind – the kind Dan wanted, who first and foremost treated their sub like a little treasure?

How could Dan have gone so long without knowing, as well? Now that he thought about it, he could see the little signs, not that there were many. Phil had always been the gentle type of guy, but there had been moments when Phil’s eyes had gone dark, stormy, when Dan had been able to see what Phil could really do if pushed.

Now Dan understood how Phil could be so calm all the time. He got those needs out a different way.

If only Dan had known…all this time, Phil could have helped him.

“Here,” Phil said, startling Dan out of his thoughts and pressing a warm mug into his hands. Dan accepted it graciously.

Phil sat down beside him, and Dan lifted the mug to his lips.

“There’s some biscuits on the table. I, uhm. Are you okay, Dan?” he asked, looking nervous again, his voice back to normal, but quiet, scared.

Dan merely nodded. “Yeah. I’m okay. I just. It’s all a bit of a shock, really.”

Phil nodded as well, sighing as he lent back in his seat, pressing a hand to his forehead.

“If only I’d known. I mean, I’d thought…I’d thought you were acting like a sub, but I thought it was just me wanting you to act like a sub. I never imagined you really _were_ ,” he said, voice quiet and low, distressed.

Dan glanced over at him, but didn’t answer. He didn’t know what to say, and he didn’t even know what Phil meant by saying he’d just thought he’d _wanted_ Dan to be a sub.

Phil sighed again.

“It’s just. You kept getting this look in your eyes, and I caught you slipping, but I thought it was just my imagination. Finding you at that club, last night, and realizing you were _new_ …” Phil shuddered as his voice trailed off, and he moved his hands away from his eyes to look at Dan.

The blue shined with tears, and Dan looked away, staring into the murky depths of the hot chocolate Phil had made him.

“I thought…if I hadn’t been there, anything could have happened,” Phil continued.

They were silent for a while. Dan didn’t have a response. All he knew was that he was beyond grateful to Phil, but he didn’t know what any of this meant for them. Part of him wanted to speak up and ask for help, and the other part of him wanted to run away.

The obvious solution was for Phil to become Dan’s Dom, but no matter what Phil meant by him _imagining_ Dan showing signs of slipping, there was no guarantee that Phil even wanted that, let alone was the right type of Dom for Dan.

Dan stayed quiet instead, even as he wanted to ask. Phil…well, Dan knew he found Phil attractive. He’d always found Phil attractive, and even as he’d taken that stupid test he’d thought of Phil. He hadn’t been able to help himself. He didn’t know if he’d say he was in love with Phil, but he definitely fancied him, and he’d fancied giving them a chance  a time or two, but this was too much to ask, surely.

Especially if they weren’t compatible. Their friendship was so important to Dan. That’s what had always stopped him in the past. He didn’t know if he could get past it now.

He sighed, and sipped as his coco.

Eventually, Phil shifted beside him, moving so he was sitting with his back to the arm rest. When Dan glanced up, his arms were crossed over his chest, and he had a brow raised as if he were waiting for something.

“What?” Dan asked, shuddering as Phil’s eyes pierced his in a way that told Dan exactly what he wanted. Phil was the Dom right now, and he wasn’t about to take any crap from Dan.

“We’re going to talk,” Phil demanded, and nodded at the other end of the couch. Dan eyed him for a moment. He didn’t know if he _wanted_ to talk.

He moved anyway, drawing his knees up to his chest. Phil nodded his head in satisfaction.

“You’re a pet, then,” he started, quirking a brow as he waited for a response. Dan nodded his head slowly, and Phil nodded as well. “Right. So you need an Owner, and at least at the beginning, you might need a Owner more than you need…a friend. You’re so needy, Dan,” Phil said, and his voice softened on that last bit, a promise that it was okay.

Phil drew a shaky hand through his black fringe.

“I happen to be an Owner,” he started, and Dan tensed immediately. Before he could protest, or bring up any of the arguments against this that he’d come up with in his head, Phil raised a hand. “I happen to be an Owner, and as an Owner, I happen to know a lot of pet’s and Owners. People I trust. I’m not – I’m not going to let what almost happened, happen again. If you…if you’re willing to tell me what you want from an Owner, than I could help you find someone I trust,” he explained, palms spread flat out in front of him, a peace offering.

“It doesn’t have to be me, Dan. I might not even be the right Owner for you. But – but you said so yourself. You’re scared. You don’t have to do this alone.”

Phil waited then. He didn’t press Dan to speak up, and he didn’t press Dan to make a decision. He just waited and let Dan think over the proposition that had been set in front of him.

It was a good one. It made sense. Phil wasn’t trying to force Dan into anything; he was just trying to help.  He didn’t want Dan to nearly get hurt again. They were best friends. Of course Phil would always have what was best for him at heart. Slowly, Dan nodded.

Phil beamed at him.

\--

“Okay, first and foremost, do you hate the idea of it being me?” Phil asked.

They were seated at the kitchen table, now, a list of names, characteristics, and descriptions laid out between them. At the top of the page was _Phil Lester_ , but Dan was too terrified to read the rest of the words. He knew Phil had done his best to write down everything from memory that made up the ten or so Owner’s he knew, including himself, to help figure out who was going to be best for Dan, and he knew that included intimate details about Phil himself.

He didn’t know if he was ready to read ahead and decide for himself.

Phil’s question did catch his attention, though, and he looked up, shocked.

“Of course I don’t,” he disagreed. His voice was strong and sure, steady. There was no way Phil could doubt him, but he didn’t give away how he felt about that thought. His face was carefully expressionless as he nodded in reply.

“Okay. Then let’s start with what you don’t want in an Owner,” he began, “So I can cross off the names of anyone with a trait that you _don’t_ want. When we’ve narrowed it down as much as possible from that, you can tell me what you _do_ want. For either list, this can be anything from how they look to what they’ll do to you to how they’ll treat you. Wait –“ he interrupted himself just as Dan was about to open his mouth to start spouting off the things he absolutely did _not_ want.

Dan’s jaw closed.

“I forgot. Uhm. In the beginning, you’re going to need a lot of play, but. Overall, do you know if you want to be in play more than you – more than you want to be in reality?”

For the first time since Dan had agreed to have Phil help him, Phil looked nervous. He was chewing his bottom lip, and it seemed a lot like this answer meant a lot to him, so Dan took it seriously.

He hadn’t considered that before. Did he prefer being a pet? A cat, specifically, as he’d learned from his own few lucid moments and Phil’s comments on what had happened last night. Or did he just need it _sometimes_?

He thought long and hard on it, sensing from Phil that this was very important, and then he nodded his head and met Phil’s eyes.

“No, I – I only want to be a…a kitten sometimes,” he said, hesitating on saying the words as he hadn’t spoken them aloud once yet. Phil’s gaze hardened.

“This is important, Dan. You hesitated. Are you sure?”

“Yes,” Dan reiterated immediately. “I’m sure. I’ve just…never said that aloud before.”

The look of relief that flew over Phil’s face immediately told Dan everything he needed to know. Phil _did_ want to be with Dan, if they were compatible, and it was clear that Phil wanted the same as Dan. Play wasn’t meant to be forever.

Leaning over his list, Phil crossed off a single name, and Dan breathed a sigh of relief.

This was really happening.

They were narrowing it down already.

“Okay, tell me what you _don’t_ want.”

So Dan started listing, drawing on all the knowledge he’d gained from the test he’d taken and the research he’d done. He knew he was pretty vanilla for a sub, but that didn’t lesson the fact that he was a sub. He was a pet. There were certain, specific things he needed as a pet and a sub, and that didn’t make him any less part of the scene.

No degradation, no whips or harsh bdsm play, no voyeurism or sharing, no public shaming, no shaming at all, light spanking was okay, and he needed to be praised…

The lists melded together until Dan was just talking, telling Phil everything he wanted and didn’t want in a Dom. From time to time, Phil crossed off a name, taking someone else off the list, but Dan was too afraid to glance down and watch him. He was too afraid to even look at Phil’s face

He didn’t want to know if Phil had been taken off the list as well.

“I want to be cherished, above all. I want to be important to my Dom, and I don’t want to be treated like less. I want…I want to be the top priority. I want to be taken care of, and given the chance to just – let go for a while. I never want to be in charge in the bedroom, even when we’re not in play. Even when I’m not a kitten,” Dan finished up, taking in a deep breath to show he was done. It felt like a weight had been lifted off of his shoulders, and he’d bared his soul, and now his best friend was going to take care of him.

They were both quiet after that, just soaking it all in. Dan was reveling in the feeling of being free of the secret, of knowing that Phil wasn’t going to judge him, and that even if he was too vanilla for any one person on Phil’s list, that Phil wasn’t going to make him go at this alone. Dan wasn’t alone any longer.

Phil cleared his throat, but the sound was harsh and dragged Dan out of the blissful state he’d been in, tossing him back to the real world, where his nerves were still very real.

“How many people does that leave us with, then?” he blurted out before Phil could speak up, terrified for Phil to speak first. “Any?” he continued, biting hard on his bottom lip. His eyes were jammed closed, and he squeezed them closed tighter, terrified that Phil’s name was going to be crossed off or that no one would be left at all. Now that he was more aware of himself, he was beginning to realize just how many demands he’d given Phil.

There couldn’t possibly be anyone who could fit Dan’s criteria, could there? At the end there, he’d spoken like he was looking for a permanent partner. Had that been weird? He’d just thought, of course he would need a Dom who want to always be his partner, right? Not all Dom’s settled down with their subs, but…but Dan wanted that.

And he’d thought for sure, when Phil had asked if Dan always wanted to be in play or not, that he would be picking an Owner who would want to be with Dan the sub and Dan, but maybe he was wrong and he’d gotten ahead of himself, and Phil would think he was a freak, and –

“Dan,” Phil said. “Dan, hey. Dan, look at me. Come on, open your eyes,” he said, his voice so gentle, so close to Dan’s face, that Dan couldn’t help but obey.

Phil’s smile was blinding, and Dan didn’t even have to look down to see whose name was left on the list.

“Will you let me be your Owner, Dan? I fit all your criteria,” Phil murmured, cupping Dan’s cheek gently. There was room for Dan to move away, but he didn’t want too. All of the reason’s this was a bad idea were still vibrant in the back of Dan’s head, but until that moment, he hadn’t realized just how badly he wanted this.

“All my criteria?” Dan teased, grinning as well. He could feel his heart blooming open, relief flooding his veins. He wasn’t impossible, then. Someone could want him. Someone could want the same things as him.

Phil rolled his eyes, but his smile remained fond. “All of it.”

“Even the bit about cherishing me?”

“Even the bit about cherishing you.”

“And even the bit where I implied I wanted a permanent partner out of this, not just a bdsm Owner with a girlfriend or something on the side who approves while I wallow in self-pity and fall in love and –“

“Yes, even the implied bit’s,” Phil laughed, interrupting him. “And I’m already in love with you, so you better fall back.”

Dan was so stunned at the words that he didn’t even realize Phil was moving closer until their lips met, Phil’s tentative against Dan’s. He melted immediately, of course, because he was Dan and Phil was Phil, but all he could think as Phil kept the kiss chaste was that this might actually be okay.

\--

“Color,” Phil demanded, his voice taught and controlled as he stared at Dan, sitting at his feet.

“Green,” Dan breathed in reply, eyes wide and round, pupils blown as he stared back at Phil.

“Good kitten,” Phil praised, reaching down to stroke behind Dan’s head once. He pulled back as Dan’s eyes slipped closed, and shook his head. “Eyes on me,” he demanded, offering Dan his hand with a small treat in it. Dan took is easily from his hand, mouth greedy, and Phil could tell he was staring to enter petspace, but he wasn’t quite there yet.

Good. He needed Dan alert a little bit longer.

“Now what do you say when you want me stop?” Phil demanded, voice just as taught and controlled as before.

“Red,” Dan breathed in reply, breathing growing heavier as he began to pant. His pupils were so big, Phil almost couldn’t make out the brown of the iris any longer. He smiled.

“Good kitty,” he repeated, and reached down this time to stroke behind his head twice before pulling away. Dan made a small mewling noise, needy.

“We’re almost ready, kitty. I’ll let you go soon, okay,” he murmured, voice low as he moved down onto one knee, so he was closer to Dan’s face and could earn his trust. “What about when you’re hitting your limit, but aren’t quite there yet? What color is that?” he prompted, hand curled closed in front of him, where Dan could see he was offering him something.

“Yellow,” he breathed, and Phil smiled, opening his palm. Immediately, Dan sunk down to lick at Phil’s hand, sucking up the small treat and continuing to lick greedily, trying to get up every last inch of the flavor. Phil let him, petting behind his head again with his other hand, and watching Dan fondly.

This was their first time proper playing, and Dan was doing perfectly. They’d agreed on the color system rather than a safeword because Phil had always preferred that system; it let him know when Dan was getting close to his edge, but wasn’t quite there yet, so he could keep Dan at the precipice, just where his pleasure was at its best.

Now, they were going to try things out for the first time.

Since Dan had agreed to let Phil be his owner, Dan had gone into petspace seven or eight times, but Phil had never taken advantage of it. He’d treated Dan the same way he had when he’d brought him home from the club, taking care of him with small pets and softly spoken praises. They hadn’t had sex – not in play at least – but today, Phil planned to take Dan through a real scene, though he planned to stay within the parameters outlined by Dan without pushing, just to test how strong Dan’s will in this really was.

And oh, was Dan ready. He’d practically been panting all day, begging with his eyes for Phil to take him back to his room. More than once, he’d gone and retrieved the small collar Phil had bought for them, but Phil had refused to do anything until they’d gone over the rules again, and again, and again. Phil wanted Dan’s full consent, wanted to know everything Dan was okay with doing today so that he wouldn’t make any mistakes, and now…here they were.

“Good kitten,” Phil praised again, finally removing his hand from Dan’s mouth and prompting him to lift his head with his fingers under his chin. “Do you want to play?” he asked, watching as Dan’s eyes, still clear enough that Phil knew he wasn’t gone yet, tracked Phil’s movements.

Dan meowed, mouth opening up minutely on the movement.

“What do you want to play with?” Phil asked just as quietly, his voice a command as he pushed the toys he’d bought in front of Dan. “Show me. Pick it up,” he demanded, and waited as Dan looked down to eye the toys.

If Dan had had a tail, Phil knew for a fact that it would be wagging right now. His butt was practically wiggling. The thought of it made Phil smile, and he watched Dan softly as his kitten picked his toy.

He ended up settling on a little toy mouse, brown like Dan’s hair, and soft to the touch. It had been Phil’s personal favorite because it reminded him of Dan so much, but also because he knew it would feel nice in Dan’s mouth.

Reaching out, Phil gripped the head of the mouse from where it was sticking out of Dan’s mouth, and tugged.

Dan let go immediately, eyes dazed as he looked up at Phil.

He was definitely gone, now, lost in petspace. He wouldn’t forget when he came back; no, not this time. It wasn’t like the time at the club. Dan wasn’t blacking out. He wasn’t that deep. He was safe, right where Phil could grab him and drag him back.

Lifting his arm, Phil dangled the mouse in front of Dan’s face by its tail, and grinned.

“Kitty kitty kitty,” he said, standing slowly. “Come get it,” he demanded.

Dan did. He meowed, his butt wiggling as he stared up at Phil, and then he swiped at the dangling mouse, growling when Phil pulled it away. He didn’t get up off his knees. Like a good kitty, he sat at Phil’s feet, and swiped at the toy each time Phil brought it close to his face.

Each time, Phil pulled it away at the last second, feeling the force of Dan’s fingers tossing the mouse in his hands. He had a firm grip on it, however, and took a step back after a little while, wanting to tire Dan out, wanting his kitty to follow him around.

“You want it, kitty?” he teased, making eye contact with Dan’s wide eyes and dangling the mouse near to the floor. Dan shifted back on his hips, butt low to the ground, and crouched over legs that were folded up underneath him. He stretched his arms out, made himself long, growled, and wiggled his butt. Phil took another step back. “Come get it,” he demanded, and Dan pounced, throwing himself forward to grab the mouse toy from Phil’s fingers. Rather than letting Dan have it, Phil threw it, hearing it as it slammed into the far wall of the lounge.

At the same time, Dan collided with Phil’s legs, hands grasping at nothing as he scratched instead at Phil’s legs. Already having known that Dan would collide with him, Phil hadn’t braced, and moved back with the impact, taking Dan with him and wobbling only a little. He smiled down at Dan as his little kitten meowed and hissed, paying absolutely not attention to Phil as he looked for the toy.

Phil knew he wouldn’t go for any of the abandoned toys back where they’d started. No. When Dan picked a toy, he stuck with that toy.

He knew the moment Dan had located the small rat as well, as the boy wheeled around and threw himself across the lounge on all fours to get it, scratching at the toy until it was in his palms and he could roll on his back to throw it in the air. Phil let him toss it around for a bit, playing happily and purring as he did so, and then he grabbed a treat and whistled.

Immediately, Dan jumped, rolling back to his normal crouch with the toy rat held softly in his mouth. His eyes were glazed as he watched Phil, tracking his movements.

“Come here, kitty kitty kitty. Give your Master back his toy,” he demanded, showing Dan the treat he had in his hand. “Be a good boy, and Master will give you a treat,” he said, smiling as he got back down on one knee.

Dan cocked his head at him, and then he crawled back over, dropping the toy rat in Phil’s hand when Phil offered it to him. With the other hand, Phil fed Dan the treat, smiling as Dan lapped it up, and then he moved to pet the back of Dan’s head again. “Good kitty,” he praised, and leaned down to kiss the top of his head for good measure.

Dan seemed to preen, shifting back on his haunches and licking at his hand with a smug air about him. Phil could only smile and grip Dan’s chin, tilting it up so he was forced to look Phil in the eye.

“Color,” he demanded.

For a moment, Dan didn’t answer, and it seemed for all the world like he didn’t know how to. There were two parts of his brain warring with each other, one telling him to meow, and the other begging him to speak aloud, or all of this would stop. Phil waited patiently all the while.

“Green,” Dan finally managed to croak, and Phil smiled.

“Good kitty,” he murmured again, and leaned down to kiss him again, this time on the lips. Dan meowed against him sighing into the contact, and Phil stood up.

“Now, let’s play.”

They continued on like that, with Phil dangling the furry rat in Dan’s face, making him wiggle his butt and squirm about on the floor before he was willing to give it up. Sometimes, when Dan launched himself at Phil, Phil gave Dan the rat right away, but other times, he repeated the first experiment and threw it across the lounge. Each time brought new and exciting reactions from Dan, who was making all sorts of noises, most predominantly meow’s and little attempts at purrs. It made Phil grin, and he offered Dan a treat and either a kiss or a pet to the head each time he brought Phil back the toy when he asked for it.

From time to time, he checked in to see Dan’s color as well, but he knew before Dan spoke that it would be Green. The real test wouldn’t come until Phil tried to press them towards the other part of this that Dan wanted.

He watched carefully as Dan began to tire out, not seeming as excited by the toy as before, and then whistled to get his attention. Dan looked up at him, and Phil snapped his fingers. Immediately, Dan dropped the toy and trotted over.

“You’ve been such a good boy, kitty. Do you think you deserve a real reward?” he offered, pressing his hand to the top of Dan’s head when Dan sat in front of him. Dan meowed once, panting again as his pupils, impossibly, grew larger.

Phil hummed. “Okay. Down,” he demanded, pointing. Dan moved to stretch his body out, just as Phil had taught him, still sitting on his haunches slightly. Phil walked around him, examining him closely. Dan kept his eyes trained to the floor, waiting, purring.

All this time, Dan had been in nothing but a collar, and Phil had been looking his fill, but now, he was going to touch. He just wasn’t sure where he wanted to start. Slowly, he came to a stop behind Dan, staring at his bum and licking his lips at the way Dan had stretched to show off his pretty little pink hole.

Slowly, Phil got down onto his knees, bracing his hands on Dan’s hips to let him know where he was. Dan shivered underneath the touch, and meowed. “Are you ready, kitty?” he asked.

Dan meowed again.

“Color?” he demanded.

There was a pause, and then, “Green.”

“Good,” Phil hummed, and leaned in.

At first, he just trailed his nose and lips around Dan’s butt, kissing and nipping at the soft, pale skin there to get a reaction. The first time Dan cried out, rutting his hips forward, Phil spanked him lightly, and Dan mewled. Phil’s lips quickly trailed over the small red mark he’d left behind, and he hummed, wishing he could see the glazed over look in Dan’s eyes.

“Such a pretty kitty,” he murmured. “So pretty. Are you going to open up for me, kitty?” he asked, and nipped at his skin lightly.

Dan meowed, the sound soft and needy.

“That’s a good kitty. Always so receptive to me,” Phil whispered, moving his hands down to cup both of Dan’s butt cheeks. Slowly, he spread them more, despite already being able to see that pert little hole, and breathed out a soft sigh against the sensitive skin.

Dan squeaked.

“Be a good kitty, now, and Master will use his tongue,” Phil murmured, to which Dan bucked his hips forward, and Phil lightly slapped his ass again. The soft mewl in reply told Phil all he needed to know, and he leaned in to press a light kiss to Dan’s hole.

The resulting full body spasm and mewling sigh made Phil grin, and he poked out his tongue to circle around Dan, getting him wet and ready for Phil. Dan’s breathing picked up, his body shaking as he tried to hold back. Between his legs, Phil could see his cock hanging, an angry red already. His baby boy had never been very good at teasing.

They could work on that, but not now. Not today. Today, they just needed to get through a full scene.

“I love you, kitty. I’m going to take good care of you know, okay?” he asked, waiting patiently for the meow in response. What he got was so guttural it was nearly a growl, and Phil dived in. His tongue was quick to part through Dan’s flesh, digging into his waiting, needy hole, already seeping with Phil’s spit. Dan’s hips rutted backwards, and Phil spanked him again, urging him to still. Like a good little kitty, Dan did, even as Phil pressed his tongue in deeper, moving a finger down to open Dan’s hole up wider for him. He pressed the digit in as well, curling his tongue around it, and thrusting it forward, getting Dan wet and ready. He moved to suck at the rim when Dan mewled, and dug his nails in when Dan cried out, squirming as he worked to hold himself back from bucking forwards the way Phil knew he wanted too.

For that, he would give his kitten a prize, and he pressed one long finger inside of Dan alongside his tongue, getting to places his tongue couldn’t reach. Dan cried out, his hips bucking this time, and Phil spanked him, but he didn’t pull the finger out. He massaged it against Dan’s walls, dry as it was, and licked deeper, panting as the movements got him worked up as well.

There was nothing like the sounds Dan was making though, mewling and purring and growling as he tried to work out what he was feeling. Phil knew he was trying hard to keep from fucking back on Phil’s tongue, and he couldn’t blame him, but he was so, _so_ proud of Dan for holding back that he moved his other hand down to give his cock a good, firm tug.

Dan cried out, his hips bucking erratically, and though it was against the rules, at least he didn’t come, obviously biting hard on his lips as he groaned and tried to control himself. For that, Phil gave him two hard smacks, pulling back from licking him open completely.

“Turn around, kitty,” he demanded, voice hoarse. Dan was quick to do as he was asked, and Phil was quick to undo his pants as Dan did so, settling into a seated position and grabbing for the lube he’d gotten ready for this situation exactly. “You’re gonna get Master all wet and ready for you while I finger you open. Are you ready, kitty?” he asked.

Dan’s meow was wrecked, and Phil could finally see those dazed eyes, so clouded over and dilated that Phil wanted to come right then and there. Instead, he gripped tight to his erection, and pinched, eyes squeezing shut as he held himself back, wanting this to last. He wouldn’t come, not until he gave his kitten what he wanted.

“Color,” he demanded, gripping Dan’s chin tight.

“Green!” Dan gasped, scrambling to get at Phil’s cock, hard and bobbing in his direct line of sight. With the reassurance that Dan was still okay, Phil let him go, moaning loudly when Dan’s lips finally came down around his cock. For teasing the reaction out of him, and smiling around him, Phil smacked Dan’s ass again, and tutted at him, reprimanding him as best as he could when he was so turned on.

And then, as Dan got Phil’s cock ready for him, Phil lubed up his fingers, and teased them at Dan’s hole, easing them in one knuckle at a time, spanking Dan each time he rutted back, and loving the way his mewl sounded around Phil’s cock.

By the time Phil had three fingers inside of him, Phil was panting almost harder than Dan, whose mouth was so wet and greedy around him he thought he was going to explode any second.

“Off, kitty,” he demanded, as soon as he had his voice. “Color,” he continued, waiting as Dan licked his lips and stared up at him with glazed over eyes.

“Green,” he replied immediately his voice hoarse from the abuse his throat had taken from Phil’s cock.

Grinning, Phil lay back, and patted his lap.

“Come here,” he demanded. “Show me what you want.” His smile was greedy, knowing, as Dan moaned and climbed on top of him, so obedient he didn’t even grind into Phil when their cocks rubbed together. Phil had to bite back a moan at the greedy sound Dan made, and he shifted his hips as he helped Dan to get settled on top of him, leading Dan’s hands down to brace himself on his chest. It didn’t seem like Dan was going to be able to hold himself up for long.

“Show me,” he demanded again when it seemed that Dan was waiting for permission. In one swift movement, Dan grinded their hips together, pressing their cocks together, and cried out, doing his best to show Phil what he wanted, and holding himself back from grinding their hips together again when he clearly and obviously wanted to more than anything else. Grinning, Phil whispered “Good kitty,” and gripped tight to Dan’s hips all over again.

He was slow to move him, not wanting to hurt either of their sensitive areas, but quick to line up his cock with Dan’s waiting and willing hole. He could feel it clenching around nothing already, could feel the way Dan was shuddering and shaking on top of him, and finally took pity on him.

Slowly, he eased himself in, familiar enough with Dan’s body now to know that, even if he begged for it, he couldn’t take it fast. Above him, Dan mewled loudly, panting as he worked to keep his hips still for Phil. Their lips hovered near each other’s, with Dan’s fringe swinging in front of his glazed over eyes. His breath was hot, and Phil just wanted to surge up and kiss him, but he held back in an effort to not lose control. Dan was so hot around him, so tight, and he just wanted to sink Dan’s hips down onto him until their bodies were touching, but no matter the noises Dan made, he needed more time, and Phil intended to give that to him.

And then finally, their hips were flush, and Phil was panting just as hard as Dan.

“You’re such a good boy. Look how you take me. So good for your Master, Dan,” he whispered, voice sensual as he moved to cradle Dan’s cheeks. He looked beyond blissed out, and Phil thought Dan would be content to sit on him like the forever, without ever doing anything more. “My pretty baby,” he murmured, voice a soft purr of its own. “Now I’m going to take care of you. What’s your color?”

“Green,” Dan breathed so softly Phil couldn’t hold back anymore, and he leaned up to kiss Dan softly, sweetly, as he began to move.

His hips worked hard as he fucked up into Dan, getting no help from the needy kitten on top of him who was scratching at his chest hard enough to leave marks, biting at Phil’s neck, now that they were in the throes of it all. It had been a condition that Phil had been all too ready to accept – the biting, the marking, the scratches, everything. If his kitten needed it, he would give it to him, even if pain wasn’t exactly his thing.

“So good, kitty,” he moaned as he fucked him deeper, hands tight on Dan’s hips to help him along. Dan’s body collapsed against his as he meowed, panting and growling as Phil fucked him hard. His hips were jerking, but he wasn’t doing much. Phil didn’t mind. He wanted to take care of his kitty, and this was how he was going to do it, with fast movements and abrupt snaps of his hips straight into Dan’s prostrate.

He could feel the heat building in his own abdomen already, though. It had been too long since he’d properly been with a pet like this – the last two months had been all about building trust and working Dan through petspace safetly in a way that would ensure that he wouldn’t forget when he next woke up. Now, now Phil was finally getting to let go, but he wasn’t going to come before his kitten came.

“Color,” he grunted, straining as he moved to grip Dan’s cock, stroking out of synch with the snap of his hips.

“Green!” Dan screamed, his own hips pumping hard into Phil’s warm hand.

“Come for me, kitty,” he demanded, his voice low against Dan’s ear.

Dan did. Three more pumps of his hips, and suddenly Dan was tensing around him, crying out loudly as his cock pulsed in Phil’s hand, whole body jerking and spasming around Phil’s body and cock. The force of it was _hard_ , and it took Phil by surprise. He moaned out as Dan clenched over and over again, milking Phil’s cock as he continued to pump into him, rocking his hips upwards and panting as he tried to chase his own orgasm, twisting his wrist and working Dan through his own.

Finally, he came, moaning as he pushed his hips as far up into Dan’s spent body as he could, shaking as his own orgasm ripped through him, better than any other he’d ever had with another pet. He panted as he pressed up into Dan, lips pressing into the crook of his neck to kiss at him. Dan, in turn, licked at Phil’s neck, lost to petspace as he tried furtively to clean Phil up.

Chuckling, Phil relaxed, body lax and warm, and wrapped his arms tight around Dan. “Good kitty,” he murmured one last time, and kissed the top of his curly hair again. “So good for me.”

Phil fully intended to rub Dan back awake, drag him back from petspace and get them both in a warm bath together, but for now, they could rest against each other, and Phil would enjoy the feeling of Dan’s soft purrs and his even softer tongue as he licked at Phil, swiping away the salty sweat on his skin. For now, they were okay just like this, soaking in the afterglow as Pet and Master.


End file.
